top of page

Fantastically Admirable Queries

When I was growing up, my family and I used to mercilessly mock the Sunday insert of Parade magazine for its "Ask Parade" section. The section was full of ridiculous, not-organic-at-all softball questions aimed at celebrities. Queries were clearly vetted by cautious publicists. The answers went about as deep as a puddle in Las Vegas. The tone was stunningly obsequious.

 

 

This section is modeled on that. 

Q

Why Halloween?

A

Because it's the night before Daylight Savings Time ends (value proposition!). Also, presumably vendors would be less booked (they are!). Finally, we never miss an opportunity to feed our own self-mythology by piggybacking off an existing holiday.

Q

A

Should I wear a costume?

Q

OMG! What is Violet going to wear? Is it that dress from the Save the Date video?*

*Question submitted by the publicist of Joan Rivers' ghost.

A

Nope! The video dress was a Sue Wong Nocturne ostrich feather gown from the quondam Loehmanns Beverly Hills. (Also, size 0 - which is why she's awkwardly holding her arm down like that -- to conceal the zipper's gaping maw.)

 

After it was neurotically determined to be slightly dated for her needs, Violet worked with a Russian intermediary to design two custom-made dresses, which were fabricated in Suzhou, China. The dresses were then balled up, vacuum-sealed into a bag that said "FULFILLING YOUR DREAMS INEXPENSIVELY!" in huge letters, and shipped 7,300 mi across the Pacific Ocean with a label declaring their combined value at $49. Deepak & Violet invite you to silently judge the finished product from a cozy seat at the Ebell Theatre on Saturday, 10/31/15!

After stealing a prime candy-grabbing holiday away ... how could we forbid you from wearing the Donald Trump wig of your dreams this year? Nevertheless, no -- this is not a costume nor particularly Halloween-themed wedding. 

bottom of page